Monday, October 10, 2016

College Bound

My son left for college the weekend before the first day of school for us regular folk in the public school system. It was a weekend of so many emotions that it will be hard for me to describe it, but I am going to try.

Saturday morning I woke up to seeing this cross my social media page.
The thought of moving my son out to another town to live on his own just gave me a nervous chill across my body.  The once feeling of excitement I had for him to get to experience what I did not get a chance to do, now turned into feelings of nervousness and sadness.  Was he truly ready to be on his own? Can he take care of himself? Will he know what he needs to do?  Will he make good friends? 

All sorts of questions ran through my mind as I helped him pack the final of his belongings.  He literally waited until the last moment to pack his things.  When I say last moment, try that morning! Son! You are driving me crazy! 

I gathered all his things we had just recently purchased and had those bagged up and packed by the door. All he had left to get were his personal belongings. I had to make sure he had everything he needed.... toothbrush, bed sheets (two sets), TP, deodorant, towels, pillows, comforter....yeah everything he allowed me to buy.  He kept telling me he doesn't need everything and that he will get what he needs when he gets there. So, I had to back off some and allow him to make those decisions. I still couldn't help being a mom. 

So we follow him to school with my parents in tow. We get to the dorm during the last hour of move in time.  We timed it perfect because all of the rush from moving in had subsided.  He was able to check in, get his key and get all moved in without all the fuss and rush of everyone else moving in at the same time. My mom started to hang his clothes in his closet and I was adamant his bed was set up for comfort. He allowed us to organize his room-thank goodness! 

Once we got his things moved in we went to eat at a nearby country kitchen.  We had a full meal with a great funny waitress that served us.  I can't forget her laugh! After dinner we stopped off at the nearby Walmart to get some last minute things for him.  I promise I felt like he needed so much!  I couldn't stop wanting to get him things I felt he needed. He had to tell me "stop mom I really don't need all that." At first I was angry, but then I became sad.  Why didn't he want to listen to me when I said he needed these things? Why didn't he just take my word for it that he will need these things? 

We take him back to his dorm and by the look on his face I could tell he was ready for us to go.  He had just went to Freshman camp a few weeks before and had met some friends.  Apparently they had plans to do something and he was ready to go. 

I promised myself I would not cry in front of him.  I really didn't think I would cry.  I knew I was sad, but I also felt he would be okay.  Crying was not on the agenda. But then the moment to leave my little boy in his big boy dorm room came.  And something inside begin to hurt. I hugged him once and then released and his dad hugged him.  Then I hugged him once more and could not let go without feeling this huge lump in my throat along with the large hole in my heart. My tears begin to shed. 

The ride home was quiet.  Just small talk.  Until we got home and it was bed time, the world was okay.  Sad, but okay. I walked into my son's bedroom that he just left earlier that day and felt a piece of sadness.  My son was now out there on his own to fend for himself in the real world and all I could do was pray for him.  Pray that he keeps his focus. Pray that God surrounds him with good honest people.  Just praying that he will be okay.  I knew deep in my heart that he would be okay, but praying helped me know for sure. 

I never anticipated the emotional roller coaster I would go through sending my son to college.  I don't know if this was normal or I am just an emotional mom who has close ties with her son. It has been about 6 weeks since we dropped him off and let me add that HE has adjusted quite well-quickly.  I knew he would, just this mommy here took a little longer to do so.